Airport restrooms

While these disgusting petri dishes are a necessary evil, I don't think they need to smell like the only Porta-John at the county tractor pull. For example Denver International airport, the newest airport in the U.S. has one of the smelliest restrooms In the country. Why? It's not like this is Somalia, I can't figure out why they can't put in more fart sniffers and scent sprayers. This is a problem, and one that could be avoided. I understand the herds of nasty fuckers that have to take care of business can be overwhelming but this is America, we put a man on the moon for fuck sake. There is no reason we can't make a restroom in a airport smell a little bit better. While DIA is not the only smelly restroom hub, it is also lacking what Detroit and Chicago have figured out. The full length shitter. The ones that go almost to the floor, the ones that keep toe tapping, wide stance, three point taking a shit Senators from accosting unsuspecting stall users. Yes a modern society at times does not seem so modern. So I say stand up and demand a clean smelling, Wide stance Senator free facility in U.S. airports, we pay enough in taxes to demand such a little piece of humanity.

What are they thinking

I thought I had seen it all but if I had I guess writing this blog would be pretty useless. Now that I think about it this blog is pretty useless. Anyway, as I head into take a leak before catching my flight I walk past this fucking guy looking at a pie chart on his laptop while taking a piss. Let's review, now I've seen people checking out there phone while taking a piss but not a full blown laptop. How fucking important is this guy, well he could be some corporate raider, he could be getting the latest formulas in the cure for cancer or he is reviewing the latest nuclear launch codes. All possible but highly unlikely. Look if it's that important don't take a piss, if it can wait then wait for god sake. Word to the wise when you're taking a piss while staring at a laptop you look like an idiot.

A painful lesson

I love hot dogs, but sometimes the ones you love don't love you back, in this case it was a Colorado dog at a Avalanche hockey game. Being a Detroit Red Wings fan I could care less about the Ave's but I do enjoy the sport and it's a great excuse for hot dogs and beer. This is where this story goes south. A friend (an avid Ave's fan) and I were running late and decided to grab a bite at the the game. Two beers and two Colorado dogs. The Colorado dog has chili, melted cheese and jalapeños and I had some red onion thrown on for good measure. To most people this is a recipe for disaster but not for me, or so I thought. That fucking hot dog has haunted me for the past sixteen hours most of that time being spent on the toilet. I was almost late for work, I've been popping GasX like an addict and I'm still scared to death to eat anything, fearing it will not agree with the hot dog from hell. As I sit here writing this I realize there is a lesson to be learned. I now know I'm not 22 anymore, I can't eat whatever I want and I'm fatter than I should be. I have painfully come to understand the hot dog is not my friend anymore (at least not the ones with chili and jalapeños). I gambled and I lost and it took me almost shitting my pants to realize this, but hey there's still beer.